nichepoetryandprose

I am still editing my novel, aiming for the third draft.  Today is about finding and eradicating the passive voice.  When I find an instant of the passive voice, I try to find a better, more active way to present the idea.

The passive voice occurs when the object of an action is expressed as the subject.  ‘The book was read by Jane’ (passive voice)  … instead of … ‘Jane read the book’ (active voice).

The passive voice is often accompanied by a form of the verb ‘to be’.  A simple example:  ‘The text had been edited by the teacher’ (passive voice) … ‘The teacher had edited the text’ (active voice).

The active voice is usually preferred because it’s direct, energetic and less wordy.  Sometimes the passive voice is Ok to use – for example, if the agent of an action is unknown or unimportant:   ‘The letters were misdirected to Toronto.’

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Here are examples of some of the changes I have made:

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Passive :  The louvers of the belfry were splintered where they had been damaged by the move.

Active:  The move had damaged the louvers of the belfry, splintering the wood.

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louvers in a belfry, the wood not splintered!!!

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Passive:  Our taste buds were teased by names like the Pickle in the Barrel Pub, Heavenly Hash, and Bob’s Country Diner.

Active:  Names like the Pickle in the Barrel Pub, Heavenly Hash, and Bob’s Country Diner teased our taste buds.

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if there were such a place as ‘Heavenly Hash’, they might serve a salad like this!!!!

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Passive: The deconsecration has been approved by the Diocese

Active:  The Diocese has approved the deconsecration.

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I treat my edits of dialogue a little differently with respect to the passive voice.  People often speak in the passive and so I am careful to edit for what sounds natural rather than what is grammatically correct!

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Copyright  Jane Tims  2013