editing to remove the passive voice
I am still editing my novel, aiming for the third draft. Today is about finding and eradicating the passive voice. When I find an instant of the passive voice, I try to find a better, more active way to present the idea.
The passive voice occurs when the object of an action is expressed as the subject. ‘The book was read by Jane’ (passive voice) … instead of … ‘Jane read the book’ (active voice).
The passive voice is often accompanied by a form of the verb ‘to be’. A simple example: ‘The text had been edited by the teacher’ (passive voice) … ‘The teacher had edited the text’ (active voice).
The active voice is usually preferred because it’s direct, energetic and less wordy. Sometimes the passive voice is Ok to use – for example, if the agent of an action is unknown or unimportant: ‘The letters were misdirected to Toronto.’
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Here are examples of some of the changes I have made:
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Passive : The louvers of the belfry were splintered where they had been damaged by the move.
Active: The move had damaged the louvers of the belfry, splintering the wood.
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louvers in a belfry, the wood not splintered!!!
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Passive: Our taste buds were teased by names like the Pickle in the Barrel Pub, Heavenly Hash, and Bob’s Country Diner.
Active: Names like the Pickle in the Barrel Pub, Heavenly Hash, and Bob’s Country Diner teased our taste buds.
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if there were such a place as ‘Heavenly Hash’, they might serve a salad like this!!!!
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Passive: The deconsecration has been approved by the Diocese
Active: The Diocese has approved the deconsecration.
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I treat my edits of dialogue a little differently with respect to the passive voice. People often speak in the passive and so I am careful to edit for what sounds natural rather than what is grammatically correct!
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Copyright Jane Tims 2013
nichepoetryandprose 
I like passive voice shamelessly; consequently, no diatribe will ever be able to dissuade me from using adverbs deliberately and religiously.
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Klaus Schilling
October 26, 2014 at 4:08 am
Hi. It is true that we get locked into ‘rules’ and ‘conventions’ to the extent that we forget spontaneity. Jane
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jane tims
October 26, 2014 at 4:41 pm
While active voice helps to create clear and direct sentences, sometimes writers find using an indirect expression is rhetorically effective in a given situation, so they choose passive voice.
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Marion Holmes
February 2, 2013 at 9:53 am
Hi. That’s true. Ultimately, a writer has to choose what is best to express the ideas they want to convey. Jane
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jane tims
February 2, 2013 at 10:24 am
I appreciate this nice clear explanation of what I am supposed to already know. I’ve reread it a few times since you posted it a few days ago! 🙂
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Jane Fritz
January 20, 2013 at 4:49 pm
Hi Jane. You, of all people, are likely to write ‘active’ sentences!!! Jane
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jane tims
January 21, 2013 at 7:55 am
ugh—it sounds tedious to edit all the sentences the passive voice. I hope that you don’t have too many that you need to change.
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Sheryl
January 17, 2013 at 11:11 pm
Hi. It is tedious. Fortunately, I don’t use the passive voice often, but I do use ‘was’ a lot. The house was white, the horse was lame, the mouse was grey. More economical to say the white house, the lame horse and the grey mouse!!!! Jane
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jane tims
January 17, 2013 at 11:27 pm
This is very interesting, Jane. On most of my posts the WordPress editor flags me for using the passive voice, even on the text of some of the quotes I include. I sort of got what it meant and sometimes made the changes suggested to my own words, but it must be that I talk with a passive voice and write the way I speak. Your explanation and examples are very helpful!
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Barbara Rodgers
January 17, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Hi. I think it is a common speech pattern. I also think it occurs in older writing as a result of the writing fashion-of-the-day. I encounter the passive voice in a lot of work before the middle of the last century. To combat it, I just keep the ‘doer’ formost in my mind. Jane
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jane tims
January 17, 2013 at 11:16 pm